February 2012
want to get a drink?
him: want to get a drink after work?
me: Sure...I mean, I will go with you, but i kind of stopped drinking. well, i cut back tremendously
him: why did you do that? Because your wife can't drink because she is pregnant?
me: ummm, no, not really. i kind of was on the path to quitting before that.
him: why them?
me: you wouldn't believe me if i told you, and its a long story.
him: why would I not believe you?
me: i dunno. ok. So its Halloween and I'm in chicago at a party with a bunch of people I don't know and 2 people I do. I am dressed up like JFK, wearing a suit and a red wig, and covered in fake blood
him: ohhh, post assination JFK?
me: yes, exactly. One minute i am fine, the next I am out in the alley way between these houses puking. Too much Vodka. I recall pouring a full glass of vodka with like 2 cubes in it and just chuggin it. I don't know why. 20 minutes later I am defeated. Down for the count. Something about being in a suit, covered in blood and puking in some foreign city at some strangers house triggered something in me. I had what alcoholics call, "A moment of clarity..."
him: hahaha. like in that movie...
me: yes, its a line from pulp fiction. So I am already thinking this thought. But in the month following I can do very little to curb the behavior. All my friends drink, my family...everything around me has drinking in it. It was hard
him: Yeah i can understand that I guess.
me: so then i get a call back from an email i sent...
him: yeah...ok. to whom?
me: Johns Hopkins. I emailed about a study involving consciousness, meditation and a substance called psilocybin...they were doing a study to see how all of these things work together, more or less.
him: yeah...so you join? whats this psilocybin do?
me: you ever heard of "magic mushrooms?"
him: yeah...its that?
me: yep.
him: isn't that illegal?
me: technically, but Hopkins got the nod to do this. So I do their whole routine and show up for my first session. I have done them before, so I figured i knew what to expect, but I had been meditating every day for about a month and a half at this point and was instructed to more or less do the same after taking the psilocybin. So I do...music is playing and I am laying down, traveling inward. Layers of me are peeling away and disappearing, until I reach this core...this void of nothing. Time and space broke down, and I was gone. for like 3 hours or more...I came to find out after the fact. During that time I had what I would call a "spiritual awakening," and also some sort of healing force came over me. It was scanning me inside and out and trying to fix all my problems. Everything I was doing wrong was shown to me in this rapid paced thought/vision/ thought process. Problems were coming up and solutions were right behind them. I saw for the first time in my life how all these things were weighing me down.
him: wow. really?
me: really. I had no desire to drink anything after that, and didn't have a drop for 3 weeks. then only drank because I was at a funeral and it was my dead friend's dying wish to have a drunken red neck party at his funeral. So I drank, but didn't really enjoy it. Its like it's luster is all gone. Its just this cartoon stuff now...a bottle with the big exaggerated poison label on it. Everyone consuming it is a cartoon too. Cartoons solving problems with cartoon solutions. Then I had my second session and all of this became even more clear. And i went even deeper and at one point I was more or less speaking in tongues or speaking some ancient language and having a conversation with some sort of dimensional beings or something...I dunno. crazy stuff. But that's why I don't drink.
him: ok. well, maybe we should eat mushrooms instead?
me: now you're understanding. I'll keep you posted on that. mother nature is working her magic as we speak.
grrrrr....
don’t muddy up the water with all your unnecessary moving…
And know when to quit talking.
Age
Age is weird. I still think I am younger than a lot of people. Jimi Hendrix when he died,Kurt Cobain, most college basketball players…
in my head I am frozen at a much younger age. One in which most people are older than me. Its weird. Maybe its because I was the little brother for half of my life. Time is strange. its not exact. It ebbs and flows and plays tricks on you. One day, I bet I...
Soup Ninja
That’s me. I don’t even have to taste if anymore. I already know its perfect. Blindfold me, tie a hand behind my back…give me lousy ingredients even! My soup will still be delicious! It’s now effortless, and I stand behind my soup pot like a Zen master. I am soup ninja. I have attained soupvana.
So you think you have nice neighbors?
Well, I just came home and found mine in my house painting the new progeny’s nursery. The primer coat even. That’s not even a very rewarding layer. They just do stuff like that. However, nothing quite like this. Usually it’s a pork chop when you are really hungry. This guy beats two battles with cancer and could still kick my ass. He’s painting fucking rooms for me,...
My future progeny
This kid must be part of the 1% or something…He’s not even out of the womb yet and I’m already working for him. Weekends too…for no pay. He’s hired my wife to boss me around. This weekend I was cleaning, shopping, cooking and finally painting. They collectively decided that it was ok for me to stop about 7 pm last night to watch the Oscars, but I was too tired to...
“Fix the world by fixing yourself. Help fix yourself yourself by helping others.”
“In the Gregorian/mechanical paradigm there is a belief system that makes you pay...”
– José Argüelles
“time is money, and no one ever has enough time and is always seeking more money...”
As I sign the final documents,
of my current upgrade in life insurance, I enter into a strangely morbid state of satisfaction to know that a pile of cash will show up to my still grieving wife should I meet my untimely demise.
worth more dead than alive…holla if ya hear me.
just as long as some dumb asshole dude doesn’t come along and spend it all! Actually, I don’t care. I’ll be dead.
Since i...
Watchthedvsangel:
adeandabet:
almost-never:
soundstruck:
youngsterways:
nohetero:
ewdrghafawegsr oh my god
this is exactly what celebrity singers do when they sing the national anthem at sports events
SNL will forever be my favorite show
Take it home, child.
Schnucks has a decent wine selection.
Aguilera realness
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^all that right there
How'd you get to be so old and so simple?
him: what's with the sunglasses?
me: why is it such a big deal to wear sunglasses inside?? Is life that boring now that this is BIG NEWS?
him: what are you...stoned or something?
me: and that would be the unoriginal saying of choice..congrats for being predictable
him: you probably are...
me: not any more than usual. actually probably a little less
him: so, you'e just wearing sunglasses inside now??
me: why is this so important to know?? I wonder if Bono has to always answer this. probably does.
him: he's probably high too
me: i actually just forgot my regular glasses and I am too blind to work. Since i walked to work I didn't really have time to go back home to get them. These are prescription sunglasses.
him: you walk to work? what are you, some kind of hippie? getting stoned, wearing sunglasses inside and walking everywhere.
me: you're such a simpleton. How'd you get to be so old and so simple?
Anonymous asked: where you been??? Miss your face on here
One long river of thought: Everything is part of... →
dark-raven:
Everything is part of nature, the universe at large… even the products of human beings, technological and otherwise. To think not is foolish in the least. There is an ecology to everything. We may not like the ecology that we see but we are as much a part of the overall dynamic as anything else….
Oh my God,
I actually had a good day at work today. Everything went right. I sure hope I don’t die on the walk home. Something isn’t right here. Its like that Seinfeld where George decides to go against his instincts and do the opposite of what he thinks. Well…its not really like that, but that was funny and worth mentioning. Jerry was the embodied “Even-Steven.”
Will this job...
Weird? You wanna know what's weird?
Tripping balls on psilocybin with a couple of scientists staring at you asking questions. “How does that painting look to you?” They ask…”Like I could jump in it and swim around,” I say. “How about the room itself?” They ask. “Well, the room is breathing and twisting and bending and if I just sit here really still and stare off into space, everything...
Top five regrets of the dying →
mindbabies:
(1) I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices...
